I once messaged a friend saying Iâd started dating a girl.
She was the first girl Iâd ever dated, and my friend replied saying âhow Samantha Jones of youâ. (I sent her a message because coming out in real life is actually so scary, I fully avoid it.)
Samantha Jones is a character from Sex and the City. Sheâs known for her sexual liberation and subverting sexual roles of a woman (hers were more stereotypical of a manâs) and she was known for speaking very openly about her sexual experiences (also more stereotypical of a man), including her time dating this Brazilian woman, which I guess is what my friend was referring to. She was just joking, but it did feel like she wasnât admitting that it was a real thing. The very typical âitâs just a phaseâ mindset.
I think that happened in the show, too. My impression is that Samantha was just a bi girl, but she had a preference for men because it is nice to have a relationship without having to discuss your feelings all the time (Iâm not advising against dating Brazilian women, theyâre great⌠but be ready to talk a lot).
But back to the scene of me coming out to my friend, let me add: I wasnât dating her because Iâm sexually liberated, I was dating her because Iâm gay. Speaking as a sex and relationship columnist, and speaking of Sex and the City I have to sayâŚI couldnât help but wonder⌠are bisexual women just sexually free, or are their attractions real?
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A Run-Down of Sex and the City by Character
Carrie Bradshaw: Carrie is the life of the party, kind of the âmain characterâ, the observer of her friendsâ lives, but a bit difficult in the way that she treats men badly but is attracted to the most toxic of men.
Charlotte York: Charlotteâs only trait in the show is that she’s desperate to find a husband, but to be fair sheâs also a good friend (better than Carrie anyway).
Samantha Jones: Samantha (as stated before) is sexually liberated and powerful.
Miranda Hobbes: Lastly, Miranda; sheâs cynical, witty, very independent and in control, and just a girl boss, slay.
Bea the Bud – Love and Sex Columnist
Iâll be exploring more of this in my column, along with absolutely anything I want to talk about (and you canât stop me). I absolutely love queer culture and how it relates or, you know, massively contrasts with straight culture. Like, the positives and the negatives.
A good quote I heard from someone recently was âgay culture is toxic, but not like âstraight menâ toxic, more like a Britney Spears toxic,â which I think sums it up nicely.
I got into queer culture as a teenager when one of my friends sent me a song by Zeebra Katz, who is still one of my favourite artists. Itâs got that Lil Nas X vibe: super gay, camp, high- heel- wearing, abs exposed. But this was before it got popular, of course. It was also around the time I started hanging out with very openly queer friends and honestly, they changed my life for the better, and I started to aspire to be more like them.
No one ever realises Iâm queer because Iâm just so damn straight-looking (which in the queer world is about the worst thing you can be perceived as). A straight woman who loves camp men? Iâm no cigarette hag. I truly believe itâs the curse of coming out late.
On Coming Out
I didnât come out until I was like 21, and itâs been a crazy experience since. Being closeted is easier because you deal with less homophobia but I like sleeping with girls…
Having been out for around four years now, I am way more sexually liberated than I was back then. But it doesnât even feel like âsexually liberatedâ – it just feels like living in a completely different world. Gays donât live life like straights do.
I think because we live outside of gender norms, we donât do relationships like straight people. Of course, you still have gay couples where one takes the stereotypical role of âthe womanâ and the other of âthe manâ. But really, because you exist without those restrictions, or gender roles within a relationship, you have way more freedom to be treated as the person you really are rather than the âroleâ you play. It means as queers we can watch things like Love Island and see it as some weird documentary of straight behaviour.
Speaking of which; letâs not forget the time that Love Island stated they would never have queer contestants due to ‘logistics’. I truly believe this is a perfect allegory for how straight culture collides with queer culture. Queers are seen as a âlogistical difficultyâ.
(Itâs worth noting here there was that one time where two girls coupled up, and I need to watch that season. Iâve been meaning to for years and still havenât, but I promise that when I get around to it Iâll write a 2,000- word essay on what it means to British culture).
Returning to our theme of today: Samantha Jones. Samanthaâs sexual liberation was anti-patriarchal, she even overtly stated she had sex âlike a manâ, and thatâs why sheâs the best character in Sex and the City.
Worst thing is Iâm not even a Samantha, Iâm a Miranda for sure.
Hi, loved your article Beatriz and, as a more mature woman, it opened my eyes to a whole new perspective which is always a good thing.